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laydee
Date: 2007-05-17 22:07
Subject: um
Security: Public
bill slapped me a couple days ago. it was not even 7am and he woke me up, yelling at me. i was laying in bed naked and he came over (edit: after yelling at me and throwing my cat diddle, brown gold yellow black, off the bed from next to me) and slapped me. it didn't leave a mark but it hurt and i was completely shocked. needless to say now i'm kinda afraid of him. he wanted to use it as a brand new beginning, a jumping off point. but since then i'm extremely disillusioned with this whole thing and i don't know what to do. i love him, and i want to take this chance at a new beginning because things between us were so good at the start. i know i've done things to fuck it up, but so has he. so we're both at fault. and in the past i've slapped him a lot, but this is the first time a man has ever raised his hand to me. my first instinct was to grab my cats and leave. but i was a weak little girl and i let him hold me and tell me he's sorry and it'll never happen again. friends, if i become a statistic, do not speak ill of me. i always swore that i would leave a man on one of 3 conditions: 1- he cheats 2- he's gay 3- he hits me. and he hit me. and i was terrified. he promised to do all kinds o' shyte like go back on his meds and get another job etc but i still told him i want us to break up. yet somehow he's determined to make this work. i don't even look at him the same way anymore. it's so hard and i don't know what to do. we're moving to a totally different city in a few days. and i don't know what to do. i love him. but is he going to do it again?
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cloudsobscured: Dharma
User: cloudsobscured
Date: 2007-05-19 00:52 (UTC)
Subject: (no subject)
Keyword:Dharma
Awe, Jennie. I think you know what you have to do.
My way of helping you is to take your words and just remind you of what you said.
1. now i'm kinda afraid of him
2. things between us were so good at the start.
3. this is the first time a man has ever raised his hand to me. my first instinct was to grab my cats and leave.
4. if i become a statistic
5. and he hit me. and i was terrified.
6. i still told him i want us to break up.
7. i don't even look at him the same way anymore.

If you ask me, your words speak loud and clear. My advice is to use your grad school acceptance and moving as a fresh start. And as hard as it may be, Bill free.

PS: Did you watch the LOST special on Thursday evening?
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